“I am lucky to be a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM)”

I was surprised… I had just moved to the US from India and was talking to a parent at my son’s new preschool…. Seeing the question mark on my face, the beautiful Cuban lady with solitaires in her ears explained, “My mother had to work to support all of us… Am lucky that my husband earns enough and I can be a stay at home mom ….”

This was the first time in a really long time that I heard someone genuinely happy being a stay at home mom… She was doing it by her own choice and relishing it…!

Back in India I had usually met SAHM’s who were not being allowed to work by husbands / in laws or were at home for their young children’s sake….. In fact I even met a 50+ professor at a reputed school in Mumbai (India) who said that she regrets being a SAHM for her children …She felt that her kids would have grown up just fine even if she had been a working mom and she could have easily become principal by now…

What the Cuban lady said was like a whiff of fresh air…  It then dawned on me that there are mothers who opt to be SAHM for their OWN sake too!! Not for their children, not for their husbands, not for in laws, not for anyone but themselves! They sincerely want to enjoy the childhood of their children… And that is when you start enjoying being a SAHM… otherwise you are always wondering if you should be working or not….

So I thought, let me try this way of life too…. I had been a SAHM for my kid’s first year of life in India post which I started with part time work for 1 year and then full time work in India itself for 2 years…  Now my son was four and I was in a new country…  So in spite of having all the legal documents to work in USA, I decided to be at home and experiment being a SAHM by MY CHOICE…. This is how it went…

  1. I became INDEPENDENT! Yes, you read correctly… I was more dependant as a WM…. Dependant on my maid, dependant on my in laws, dependant on my parents , dependant on anyone and everyone I could find who could baby sit my child while I got ‘more important’ work stuff done…. Now I feel “INDEPENDENT” & “FREE”!
  2. Mornings became much easier because I was not in any hurry to get anywhere… I usually spent the first few minutes reading a book to my son … He loves books… It’s amazing how spending the fifteen minutes with your kids in the morning in bed can change the way the whole day goes!
  3. Mealtimes became relaxed and tasty! I was so used to having bad food cooked by my cook and microwaved in the office in India that I couldn’t believe that a fresh simple self-cooked meal could taste so delightful…
  4. I was petrified of cooking in India… But, looking at youtube videos and trying different cuisines for my son has given me a basic confidence in my culinary skills… In fact he joins me in the kitchen when I am cooking something new…
  5. The stress of the ever disappearing maid has gone from my life… it feels like a huge albatross that had been hanging around my neck…. Doing all the work myself has its benefits….
  6. I can let my children BE… I used to limit my son in India because I was worried he might fall sick and I won’t be able to attend my meeting the other day …… So no playing in puddles, no drinking cold drinks, and many other such bans which I have lifted now…
  7. Every day I watch my ten month old do something new and I marvel at god’s creation … I didn’t quite observe my first born for 3 years of his life … I deeply regret it … But I try to make up for it now with my second born…
  8. My house has a peaceful aura …. broken stuff gets repaired… House gets cleaned …. There are fresh clothes to wear…There is fresh food… Basically, there is one person to take care of the house which is a HUGE job in itself !
  9. Increased mindfulness…. I had a big problem when I was working… I could never disconnect from work even after leaving office… I would be playing with my son but my mind was still trying to plan the event at office …. I was there for my kid but only physically… Now I can enjoy my kids with my 100 % presence…
  10. Fewer TEMPER TANTRUMS ! Yes… This is what I have come to realise… All kids need some unadulterated Mommy and Daddy time to feel happy and secure …That means no phones and no tv…. I can give him that time now…. I can appreciate his buildings made out of pillows in real time and not over the phone ….. I can eat a meal with him at peace… I can put on the music and have a spontaneous dance session… I can enjoy his little jokes …. Whereas I see my husband unable to get off the phone even when he is home… So you know what my son does ? He chooses to sleep close to my husband (we co-sleep) …It’s my son’s way of getting some Daddy time …

THE DOWNSIDE OF BEING A SAHM

  1. Lack of Appreciation ! yes, no one appreciates a SAHM whether it is India or USA… It will always be a thankless job…. When I was new in the US, I used to invite my hubby’s office colleagues and parents at Arya’s school and cook elaborate meals for them… The appreciation for my cooking and my house kept me going… However now I find that too much work… In fact now I don’t even seek appreciation … It’s like from being an employee I have become an owner… I do feel proud when my son holds the door of the elevator for a janitor in India or when he picks up someone else’s garbage and throws it …
  2. Missing Colleagues … I used to enjoy chatting with my colleagues which I do miss now…. But yes, I do have my group of Mommy friends …We have a potluck once a month and get to eat some unbelievable home cooked Indian food ..… Also, yes we do discuss kids, diapers, potty training, schools etc. and not bigger issues like the country’s GDP, sales targets , 5 year projections, power points etc. But who decides that the latter are bigger and more important than the former… to each his own… I find the latter frivolous… I find kids as the real world and the rest as a make believe world created by us to just make ourselves feel more important…
  3. No work future in sight … The world is changing at such a fast pace that I used to worry about my future when my kids grow up and get busy…. I will have to start from the beginning…. And that worried me till I realised that who knows what the future brings… who knows I will be even alive tomorrow… I want to enjoy my today completely… and even if I live till then, and I have to start afresh at a job, what’s wrong with that? Isn’t it a small price to pay for spending invaluable hours with your own children…. Read more at my blog https://enjoyingyourkids.wordpress.com/2015/02/01/why-did-you-have-your-child/
  4. Low Self Confidence …. Yes, when you see the super confident working mothers wearing crisp formals and high heels you do feel inadequate… however, when you start talking to them and you hear about their troubles you do feel lucky again… Most working mothers I know in the US are straddling work and kids… They travel long hours to office… fall sick often…  kids fall sick at daycare… can’t meet me on weekends as they need to complete household chores… I feel lucky that I was one of them but now I am out of it…out of that rigamarole… I have time to pursue my hobbies which keep me balanced… I do yoga.. I study Ayurveda…  I take my kids to the park and just relax on the grass while my kids play… once in a while I attend a dance party…. There is a lovely article on self confidence here …https://chopra.infusionsoft.com/app/hostedEmail/20958907/691b75cbebc12a8c?inf_contact_key=83e17f5c69854ed85423a8dde229d91b3cee8a92cc25da3b8abcc497645ca9e7one
  5. Lack of Financial Independence…. I have done my postgraduate program in Communications from MICA (one of the reputed Institutes of India) and was running my family business successfully for 7 years… Yes, I do miss my own money… Something I used to liberally spend at high profile malls, no questions asked… I have become more careful now because I always feel it’s my husband’s hard earned money…  I don’t know if it’s a good or a bad thing!

The Truth about Part Time Work

I did part time work too… You know it seems to be the best option…. But this is what I experienced…

  1. Part Time work means Full time work at HALF PAY !
  2. Part Time work means carrying work home
  3. Even if I was not physically working , I was mentally solving work issues or getting over rude co workers in my family time
  4. The money was not worth it for losing out on my peace of mind and kid’s childhood
  5. It was a charade…. It made me believe that I was this amazing woman who found the balance between work and family… Actually it was more like a ‘dhobi ka kutta… na ghar ka na ghat ka‘…. (a washerman’s dog who doesn’t belong to the house nor the banks of the river – an old Indian saying for someone who is trying to do too many things) Disclaimer : you might be managing part time work very well… this is how I felt…

HOW DO I MAKE THE FINANCIALS WORK AS A SAHM ?

When my friends cry to me, “I am forced to work…I don’t have a choice…” I don’t believe them… We always have a choice… One might be a working mother because they genuinely enjoy it… Nothing wrong in it.. Just accepting that it’s your own choice whether SAHM or WM makes life easier….

I have also made some choices so that I can continue being a SAHM

  1. I don’t own a house… Not in the US …not even in India… I find that owning a house puts too much pressure on us to pay the EMI which means that I need to work too…. So I prefer renting one…It gives me a lot more flexibility… and if I do need to change houses, It helps in clearing the clutter!
  2. I send my son to a parent participation pre- school… that means that I work there once a week and pay a small fees …
  3. I get preowned baby gear, clothes and toys from friends who don’t need it anymore…
  4. I stopped buying expensive gold and diamond jewellery long back like I used to in India… It just sits in the locker..

To sum up I realised that being a working mother was like chasing a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow…  I was not able to stop to admire and enjoy the beauty of the rainbow itself… You can enjoy being a SAHM only if you decide to do it for your OWN SAKE … That makes all the Difference….

Till then, enjoy your kids…

 

Published by Anumeha

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Hi, am Anumeha. I was born and brought up in India and moved to USA in the year 2013 ... I am a person who has seen both ends of a spectrum... I have a son and a daughter.... I have had a c-section and a normal delivery....I have been a working mother and a stay at home mom....I have a child who doesn't eat at all to one who eats everything.... While one child who is extremely moody the other is happy go lucky....I have gone from not liking kids including my own to loving everybody's kids ......and from thinking that only my mom liked my writing I have gone to writing a blog every second day ! My blog is all about my experiences and opinions... I am too honest with my thoughts and they are many times country specific... I request you to be tolerant and patient with my writing just the way you are with your kids...:) Thanks for your time ! Do leave your comments as I would love to know what you think... Till then ... Enjoy your kids :)

400 thoughts on ““I am lucky to be a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM)””

  1. very nice read!!!! I am a SAHM too….love every second of it!!!

    I could relate to a lot of things that u have mentioned…. Thanks for sharing your thoughts…

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  2. Your articles is well written . I have just moved to US a week back after resigning from my job of 5 years . Planning to study and explore this new land . I too strongly believe in spending time off your career for few years to be with kids and family for your sake and not for the family sake . Good going am proud of your move and views . Keep up !

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  3. interesting…but what happens if something happens to your husband? What if for some reason he falls ill,or is unable to work?
    Also, what happens when your children are more grown and no longer “need” you?
    Then what do you do with yourself?

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    1. Hi Interesting… Yes, what you are saying are possibilities… Somehow I am happy go lucky person… I believe that all problems come with their solutions… I will cross the bridge when it comes… But as of now this is what I think:
      When my kids are grown up, I will find something to do with my time…. Be it learn a new hobby…. Volunteer at an orphanage…. Work as a pre school teacher …. I dont know… But I will not allow this worry to affect me right now…. I am not an ambitious person so it doesn’t matter if I have to start from the beginning….

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      1. I am so much impressed with your answer, I am also SAHM with a 3month old. I am loving each and every moment too. I came to US, 1.5 years back and that time I was regretting as I had to leave my carrier with no hopes coz of visa constraints. But the day I held my baby, then I realize that we have to live only one life (as i don’t believe in rebirth). I want to enjoy this beautiful creation of God. I am now feel so Lucky that I am a women and non working as I enjoyed my pregnancy and now I am enjoying my LO. Thanks and Enjoy Motherhood!!

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      2. Exactly ! This is a beautiful Dream if you can get pass your AMBITION !! Ambitious mothers sitting at home could be dangerous ..

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      3. I don’t think its about ambition…sometimes I think its about appreciation…. Some women seek appreciation from the outside world and some seek it from their families…and some mature to realise that no one appreciates you better than yourself !

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      4. I don’t think you need to be ambitious to have a plan in place. Things like death and job loss are very real. Death is guaranteed. All of us will pass away from this world at some point. Also, job loss is a very huge reality in the U.S. You came to the US after the recession I’m guessing, so you didn’t see how so many smart hard working people have been struggling to find new jobs after being laid off. Moreover, your children will grow up very quickly. Blink and boom they’re heading off to school fulltime!
        So having a plan in place to make sure your family is taken care of is the responsible thing to do. Your plan could be that you and your husband have an “emergency savings account” or that you are continuing to keep up your professional skills in case you one day need to get another job
        Would a man not write a will because he prefers to “cross that bridge when it comes”? No. By then it would be too late right?
        I think you would be more encouraging to other potential SAHMs if you could discuss what sort of plans you have in place to make sure your family doesn’t suffer in other ways as a result of your decision.

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      5. We have a plan in place…its our insurance…and if I need to work after my kids are grown up, I can always do a crash course to update me with latest skills and I can get a job…Maybe not manager level but something that I enjoy for sure 🙂 Do you know how entertaining kids can be when they have all the time for you ?

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      6. ok… yes we do save money… yes we buy life insurance… yes we invest money in fixed deposits and yes I have gold jewellery in the locker in India which is also my investment….and my family doesn’t suffer if I am at home…they Prosper !! whats the point of earning money only to spend it on a nanny / daycare / expensive toys for the child bought out of my guilt ??? If I want to work, I will work for myself…not because of fear of the future…!

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    3. Hi! very valid and real concerns but again all of us have the choice of living in fear( the never ending list of what ifs) or be fearless and worry-less in the given moment.None of can change the course of events in our life but till we get to something unfortunate, we do have the choice of laying a framework of a life well lived. Again, this is not a rally for all women to endorse SAHM but a personal perspective of an individual which many supported along the way and are impressed by the way the author perceives her self in the given moment.

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    5. What happens if tomorrow you loose your eyesight and can’t even read this reply ? What happens if tomorrow you your hands drop limp and can’t type a reaction back ? Life is not about buying insurance policies. It is about living it with love and thankfulness in the present

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      2. Cali…this is 2015. You may not think that life is about buying insurance policies…but in the US where mehaanu now lives, the law requires buying health insurance AND car insurance. So this example about ‘what if tomorrow you lose your eyesight’ doesn’t work. If you lose your eyesight, that’s why you have medical insurance. If your car crashes (something that happens ALL the time) that’s why you have car insurance. It’s the responsible thing to do. Feel free to live life with love and thankfulness, but don’t let the law ever catch you driving without car insurance!
        It’s great to live in the present, but if you want your children to have bright futures, you teach them to prepare for their future, don’t you? You tell them to study and work hard so they can build strong futures right? What if your child told you it didn’t want to work hard in life because life is all about living in the present LOL good luck with that.

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      3. you know what…. even if my child studies to ‘make his future’ its not necessary that he will work and earn well… I don’t want my child to study for fear of the future…he will study because he will enjoy learning new things…he will like to enjoy answering all the questions he has in his head… and that is the true meaning of learning… In my article I am talking about mindfulness and love in what you do…whether its a SAHM or a WM… Many times we worry too much about the future…enough to spoil our present…

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    6. What happens if your husband divorces you? What happens if your husband is unwilling/unable to earn?

      Don’t glorify yourself. Thank your stars that you have a husband who brings a paycheck home. Don’t take that for granted.

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      1. Hi CM… I know I am lucky coz I have a husband who earns and WANTS to earn… Maybe everyone doesn’t have this luxury… But there are people who have the luxury, work and still blame it on circumstances…. All I am saying is that why cant you acknowledge that you had a choice and you chose work and you enjoy it…nothing wrong in it right ?

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  6. Agreed. Being a sahm can be rewarding only when it is your own choice just as being a working mom is rewarding only when it is your own choice. In the land of mommy wars, we need to set aside the wm vs. Sahm wars. When I first met my then to-be in-laws, one of their first assumptions was that I would not work when I had kids (not if I had kids, that’s a whole other assumption that needs a separate debate). I just found it easier to let them believe it at that time instead of raising an argument – in hindsight, it would have been better for them to accept me as someone who values her career and independence from the very beginning. When I was pregnant, sahm relatives ‘advised’ me (read vehemently tried to force their opinions down my throat) that I should not work once my baby was here. Again, I just nodded and gave them a fake smile.

    I went back to work soon after my baby was born. Yes, I missed him; yes, I kept wondering how he was doing; yes, I constantly worried if he was being well taken care of. But I also appreciate and deeply value and cherish my independence, the stimulation of adult conversations (I do have my mommy friends to talk about baby development but I need more than that). I love seeing my baby in the morning when he wakes up, play and dance with him, make his morning snacks, giggle with him and then again in the evening before he goes to bed. I have very consciously kept these times work-free. I get back online after he has slept. And I enjoy the accomplishments at work. I enjoy my weekends with my baby – play dates, parks, beaches, museums, zoos, farmers markets, just being! I don’t think ‘balancing’ is even an option, it’s about integrating different parts of one’s life.

    I think one of the shackles for moms is trying to be a supermom. Trying to do everything. Trying to do do everything perfectly. I don’t do everything, I don’t even try. Forget doing them perfectly. A lot of times it’s about getting the job done. Are the cushions in my house neatly lined up? No. Do I care? Hell, no! Is my bed made? Why bother? I don’t accept someone else’s idea of ‘perfect’. My life is perfect and I enjoy being a wm.

    I appreciate and admire sahm, that’s a lot of sacrifice that I’m not ready to make at this stage. Sahm are likely going to come to my rescue when I can’t bake cookies for the cookie fundraiser, they’re the ones who will donate their time to make the school my baby will eventually go to awesome, they’re the ones who will help with carpools when my nanny won’t be able to do it.

    Tl;Dr: to each his own, no judgment, only choice

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    1. Yes to each his own…. It is the working mothers who are my Gynaec, my yoga teacher, my dentist, my part time nanny and I don’t want them to become SAHM’s… because they are very good at their job…. Also, like you said its the Indian society which sometimes pushes you to work… I hated being a SAHM in India because everyone wanted me to be one… It was almost like I rebelled when I resumed work…Another problem is that in India the mother is judged and criticized endlessly for not being good enough…

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      1. I’ll also add here that to truly make it a woman’s choice, policy changes are important. Your friend’s comment in your post is telling. She didn’t *have* to work. For most women, this isn’t even a choice – economic conditions might require them to work. You might not feel the need to buy a house or indulge in other secondary expenses, but for several patents, a double income is necessary to pay rent and take care of the basics.

        On the flip side, child care might be too expensive for others and working is not an option.

        The right usually disregards these arguments (as they do most of women’s issues).

        It’s not just about choice, it’s about whether or not it’s a real choice.

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    2. DONT treat others opinions as rants and yours as truth or right. respect tht person writing the blog is expressing her opinion( and does not apply to everyone)…what you do or experience is yours ..but not universal truth. you say no judgement ..but yur ‘long rant’ statement is judgemental for starters. whatever one chooses sat at home mom or working mom…its yur choice…and thats all the writer is doing.

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      1. Haha! I named my own comment a long rant, not the blog. And I’m not disagreeing with the blog, I’m just saying that working moms also might enjoy their choice and while one choice might be right for one, it might not work for another. In fact, I start my comment by saying that this should not be a mommy war and I even end with saying how I appreciate what sahms do.

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    3. alongrant, I agree completely. I love the idea of working. I’m lucky that I own my business so I can work on my own terms, but I do need those adult conversations. My husband works from home and loves the idea of caring for our little girl. He doesn’t crave the outside world. He likes the independence of home and working from home, but I would go crazy at home all day. The sahm, and sahd’s of the world do help in so many ways. It’s important that it’s the mother’s or father’s own choice.

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      1. I am also like you…but I find other ways to keep myself occupied at home…trying a new recipe with my son…taking kids to gymboree…to the park…. reading books… eating together…. all this takes up my time…. I also do my own thing like yoga or ayurveda…the best part is I can skip long queues at super markets / shopping malls / gas station 🙂

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    4. When the baby is under a year old its easier to work…when he grows older and more aware of everything then it becomes tougher to work…you know why …because he will start babbling…start walking….start hugging and kissing…. he will have food preferences… now you can just give him prune puree and be done with… The integration goes for a toss…. He will start refusing to sleep at night when you want him to sleep because he is so excited he can walk ! then balancing the two gets tough….

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      1. a long rant… am throwing some situations at you which I faced…when my son was older he used to hold my leg when I left for office…. when he started speaking he said , Mom can we go to the zoo today and I would say no lets wait till the weekend… he said…can I not go to the daycare today… I would say NO you have to… when you come to this I will ask you how easy it is to integrate work and family

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      2. Mehaanu, I’m not saying it isn’t tough. Just as being a sahm has pros and cons, being a wm has pros and cons. Eventually it’s a personal decision and how pros and cons weigh out are different for each individual.

        Yes, my baby can’t speak now but he is very expressive already. If he does things your kid did, it might make it tough. Right now, I am lucky to be able to work for myself and achieve what I want. Maybe in a different situation that will change. I also think our situations are different. By your own admission, you were not able to give your kid quality time because work always weighed on your mind. I have very consciously kept work out of the weekday times dedicated to my kid and weekends are work free during baby’s waking hours. That might change the dynamics but who knows.

        Overall, as I said I agree with your blog – one can be happy if it’s their choice and no choice is wrong or right.

        The only point of disagreement is where you say everyone has a choice. I don’t think everyone does – be it sahm or wm. Saying that everyone has a choice challenges several movements to make policy changes towards better social security, maternity care, child care, office environments for working women. Probably a certain class of women has that choice, not ‘everyone’ as you claim.

        I am lucky to be a wm just as you are lucky to be a sahm. This choice is a privilege we are lucky to enjoy, everyone isn’t as lucky to make their own choice.

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      3. I’m done here. I liked your original post because it gave a balanced view and recognized that being a sahm has its pros and cons. The comments are now turning into one having to defend one’s choice as a wm.

        Saying that I am feeding my baby prune puree and that’s the end of what I do. You don’t know what I feed my child, you don’t know how much effort or love I put into the food I make for my child and it’s not in your place to comment on that!

        Also, you’re starting to defend your own choice in being a SAHM – OWN IT! I own my choice to be a wm and I thought that was the intention of the original blog post, the comments are straying too much from the original intention and that’s disappointing.

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      4. Point taken … But I said prune puree just as an example… It was not defending myself or attacking you… I meant that when babies are small, their needs are simple… they can be satisfied with purees, diaper change and sleep a lot….I resumed work when my son was one because I thought its easy to balance…But when he got older and started having a mind of his own it became difficult… You might be able to pull it off… No offense meant….

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  7. I was a career girl for 5 years before I got married and moved to the USA. Due to my visa status I was forced to stay at home and I hated every minute of it….initially. But one day I decided “Happiness and success are two different things” and it’s just about my mindset. Now I am SAHM of 11 month old baby girl and I love every minute of it.
    Your blog could not have summed up any better the feelings of anyone in this situation. Thanks for clearing any doubts that I sometimes have about how lucky I am. 😃

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  8. Wonderfully written article. I was a working mom and now I am a SAHM and like you enjoying every minute. I am catching up with everthing I missed during my first sons growing up days with my second sons present days. I have seen a tremendous change in my elder ones mood, confidence and happiness from the time I am SAHM. Its a wonderful price we get paid for being a SAHM. Cant ask for more. I am also currently in US. Would love to share more with you as looks like we are sailing in the same boat.

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    2. I was watching my son’s old videos and I started crying… You know why…? I had never enjoyed his antics back then as much as I did now on the tv…WHy did I miss that golden period…. ?? Why did I get angry at him when he was just playing with me and not sleeping…was t necessary to scold him so much 😦

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  10. Yes – we arelucky to be SAHM. Cud relate to your side of life. I worked for 13 good successful years to be able to enjoy every second with my LO. Though having a baby at 34 n raising her single handedly along with my DH is exhausting physically but i cudnt have asked for more. Life is perfect now!! i dont have the urge to go bk to work or do a part time at all. The kid deserves every bit of our togetherness! Bliss. All the best to u and god bless ur family.

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    1. Yukti am glad you can do it in India… I will like to know more of what all you do with your child coz I was always at a loss for things to do outside the house with my son…

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  12. NicEly penned down! Same here…. The purpose of earning is finally to sit back and enjoy what is earned! So when hubby earns enough ladies please njoy life….In fact learnings are more when u are at home rather than at an office…

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  15. I am a SAHM too n even i love the way i live. I liked ur thoughts. Its true that we feel insecure n financialy dependant sometimes but then on 2nd thought i thank God for my peaceful n hastlefree life.

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  16. I totally agree with you and it seems you have echoed my feeling…I too started working after my daughter turned 16 months but I quit after my son was born. He is 10 months old and I don’t think of joining back in the near future. I feel initial 5 years are the formative years of the children where their brain is developing at an alarming rate and if offered a proper guidance they can really flourish…I want to spend time with them and watch them grow…life is not only about success and money!

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  17. Loved reading your article. For the first time in two years I feel confident about the choice I made of becoming a stay at home mom. I was ticking in my head all the points you made about the benefits and yes, it is as liberating as it sounds.

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  20. Very well written. Great insight. I agree being SAHM, family is peaceful, clean house, delicious fresh meal always and most importantly, I feel, kids are growing up with good values and culture.

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  21. Hi . Its so true. I wish all mothers could do that. Myself an Interior Architect by profession. But since last five years I am a stay at Home Mom. I have three daughters 5yrs , 4yrs and 15 months. I homeschool them and dont intend to put them to school. I enjoy every bit with them. Yes i feel so independent. I never like the idea for having maids or keeping kids at daycare. I felt school is just a system which we blindly follow. I believe parents are the first teachers and with them they get grace along with it character building and our homeschooling is disciplined yet there is fun love ,care and a deeper umderstandimg of each child. Although in India there are many homeschool families but less awareness.
    Ah and i loved the point she mentioned about finances. Its so truly said. I work with same methodology. We just can live in present…thats a beautiful ‘GIFT ‘ given by god.
    May God bless and strengthen all the Mothers.

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  22. A very well written article…My husband and I are in USA for few years now. I am a working women not a mom yet…but have all these in mind for the future….you have addressed all the flavors pretty well…njoy your SAHM.

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  23. I did the same thing in 1992. Quit my job for kids. I hated pulling them out of bed early in the morning so they could be dropped at the baby sitters and later years to school. Tried part time job wasn’t worth it. It’s been 22 years. Now My son is 31 years old and my daughter is 27 years old. Do not regret quitting my well paying job and staying home. I go thru same immotions and thoughts but nothing takes priority over me spending time with the kids for all those years. Enjoy every minute of it. Because before you know it they will be grown adults and you will be feeling a pride in bringing them up the way you wanted it not the baby sitter or the school day care

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  24. Fantastic Article !! I am NOT a SAHM and can’t be not because I need to work but because I really enjoy my job. Having said that I agree with every singe word you have written and there is so much truth to it.This article definitely helps me realize that if I choose to stay at home it will be a great choice.

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  27. Can totally relate to ur article.
    Our reward as a SAHM will be confident and emotionally secure children. Like u I have also gone through different phases of working full time after my 1st one and all the stress is life coz of tht. And now after my 2nd one I am a SAHM and I love to take 100% care of everything for my kids and I try to make up for all the things I missed out on doing for my older one.
    No more anxiety pangs before going to work 😀

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    1. “Our reward as a SAHM Will be confident and emotionally secure children”

      Really? Really? I have met several kids of the SAHM who are spoilt, brattish and the worst of all, judgmental and I have met several kids if WM who are well behaved, respectful, aware and mindful. I really dont think it has to do if the mother is a WM or SAHM. It has to do with parenting and how the parents bring the child up. Have you ever considered single mothers? Is working vs stay-at-home even an option for them? As per your statement, if I take it reverse, all the children of single moms will be under confident and emotionally insecure. Stop your judgment and bring other moms up. Not down!

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  30. Hi,
    Found your post doing the rounds on FB. Very interesting thoughts!
    I identified with you when you say that coming to the US was the time you realised that women could choose to be SAHM and be happy about that choice.
    We, at Indian Moms Connect (http://www.indianmomsconnect.com) decided to investigate why. Besides the cultural pressure – in-laws, society etc, we wonder if marital property laws have something to do with most women choosing to be Working moms or at least feeling financially insecure when they become SAHMs.
    Here is our take: http://www.indianmomsconnect.com/2014/08/25/indian-stay-home-moms-equal/

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  31. That’s true … I agreed your thoughts.
    I just came to US 5 months back, back in india my routine was very very hectic; first time got such a long holidays after college days. First 2months I enjoyed a lot there
    were no worries on Sunday night for Monday morning office weekday routine, I could enjoy that relax feeling.
    I passed my time by exploring near by places, making different diffrent recipes from you tube, I tried few DIY projects which turns out very well.
    I am a designer by profession so I love painting, drawing, art craft… I am very happy that I can peruse my hobbies in this time. I stared with water color painting and you know till date I finished one complete note book with approx 20 paintings around. Now a days I started upgrading my skills.
    But later on sometimes you get fed up of such a long break, you are not used to it. sometimes we do feel dependent and insecure but that’s true that I am learning more in this free time rather than working at office.

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  32. Very well written. I am not so good in writing down about how I feel, but after reading this I feel like you have written exactly how I feel or exact my situation. Good to know that there is someone in this world who also feels the same as me.
    Also this is the first time I am commenting on some article or blog because it’s exactly the same how I feel so.

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  33. Awesomely written! Wow! I am a working mom who wants to quit and spend time with my Lil one living in USA. Friends and family say why do u want to forego a H1 for which people compete so much! But I soo want and longing to be with my child and give her all my time and attention now.. your post brought tears to me.. how much am I missing each day of my child’s life 😦

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  34. It’s an interesting read but I have tried to be a SAHM for two years by choice and disagree with you on most part. I tried very hard but couldn’t undertand why as a woman we always have to pick? So giving up one for the other is not the right way. We should be capable to manage it all and that will be the true winning situation.
    I strongly feel that one should be completely confident about the choice they make and if one is truly happy they will never think about comparing it with something else which sadly you are doing.
    I am happy for you that you are enjoying your decision, I really am, but you really don’t have to justify it to others.

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    1. HI Namita… SAHM doesnt work for many of us just like WM didnt work for me now… I might go back to it when my kids don’t have time for me…. This post was my side of the story and not a justification…. You are free to share your side of story too…:)

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  36. Great writing. Just one thought that we don’t study only to have a job. It helps us learn and grow. Similarly, we don’t work to earn money. It has many more purposes and leaving it can not be justified. Every mother do their best and there should not be any comparisons. Why a working mother have to always defend herself and SAHM tries to proof that they are the bestest mothers? It’s just silly.

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    1. Its true that we don’t study to have a job…so all those people who think that they are wasting their education by being a SAHM , think again…. we use our studies at home with our kids, in the kitchen , at the market…everywhere… It can never be wasted…

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    1. You don’t have to be so utterly rude in expressing your dislike about this post. A better way would have been actually writing your side of the story. To me your rudeness shows the insecurity you feel reading this post.

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  38. Hi! I’m currently a SAHM after being a working mom for two years. Just a note: You being a SAHM benefits your husband as well as you and your children.

    He no longer needs to schedule with you for kid’s appointments, and he can usually depend on a meal when he gets home. This is instead of both of you having to split and negotiate as time and careers demand.

    Why do I mention this? You said it feels different to not have your own money. I’d recommend figuring out a way to change your feelings about that. Maybe set aside a fun spending money amount (one for you and one for your husband) separate from your regular house and family budget. Both you and he can spend that amount without considering anyone else. Afterall, it’s not really “his” money, is it? If you divorced, a portion of it is legally yours. If he went and spent all of it and you couldn’t make rent, there’d be a huge violation of trust and expectation. So my point is, the money is yours too.

    You’re working very hard and your work benefits the family structurally. Your husband is working very hard and his work benefits the family monetarily. The money he earns is just as much yours as the family structure you create at home is his. You should both share in it and feel ownership. You two are equal members on the team.

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  39. Very well said…I was the other way ..I was at home till my 1st baby was 7 yrs and Second one was 2 yrs…I never got a chance to spend much time with my second and as you said Staying at home is more valuable then rushing to work for what which we don’t use money and keep saving for future. I decided to start working to see how the corporate world runs and happiness in working ,but not anymore…I am missing my stay at home and missing the fun part with my kids .My kids are grown up and busy now…As i have the habit of cooking fresh when i was at home ,i still continue to do so..We never eat frozen ..That’s the best practice i have learnt when i was at home…Let’s see when i plan to resign…:-)

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  40. Hi
    Iam also SAHM with two kids in US. I enjoy each and every moment of it. Like u said I try different varieties of cuisine for my kids and my husband, which they relish a lot. We will play any family game daily before we go to bed, which keeps away the stress and gives a good night sleep for all.

    Never worried abt the future, because our kids won’t let us down. They know how we brought up them in each and every stages of life.

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    1. Hi Lavanya…. I agree with you except for the last bit… I dont have expectations from my kids that they will take care of me because I took care of them… I am not at home for their sake… I am home for my sake… No pressure on them… Even in the future I will try and be as independent as I can because I hate to depend on anyone for my survival….

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  41. Well-written blog! Could relate to it. I left my job in India and decided to travel with my husband and kid to US, 6 years back. I have had my own frustrations and depressing days. But God has His own plans. Moved back to India recently. Now I have another little one. Can never even think of asking anyone else to look after her while I go to work. My kids need me more than any employer does 🙂 And yes, do not expect any appreciation, this role sure teaches us to be selfless….

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  45. Great article… Touched my heart deeply… I do agree with your thoughts. Even though I have the same thoughts, yet I am still in job. It becomes difficult to leave the job unless you are forced to.(can be because of any reason)

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  46. I am very very very happy to read an honest take on motherhood and your choice of doing it your way, on your conditions. It’s definitely a personal choice but definitely a very HONEST one. Kudos

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  48. I am lucky that I was allowed by my employer to work from home…so i am able to work but at the same time seeing my baby grow…she will be 1 year next month and will join office after that may be for half day…:)

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  49. I had been a working mom for the past 11 years. I am the mother of an eight year old. I quit my job recently to be a SAHM out of my own choice. I could relate to each and every point you have highlighted. Great inspiration.

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  50. Hi,

    Excellent piece. U have put both sides of the situation in a very honest admission.
    I am not a mom yet, but a stay at home girl (woman) by choice. And i am simply loving it. People in india often appear clueless wen i tell them i freelance. “What do you do at home all day? So boring, you dont even hv kids.”
    Boring, might b sometimes but only for the lack of some good friends…and not because i have nothing to do. There are millions of things i enjoy in a day, something i never enjoyed wen i worked for 9 years, sitting in a cubicle.
    I feel it all boils down to which phase of live u r in. Priorities and preferences keep changing…the key point is…BY CHOICE.

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