Do Bad parents make Good children ?

Have you ever noticed how ordinary looking parents have extraordinary looking children and vice versa… Well, maybe you never noticed … maybe its my personal observation…. But I have come to realize that Good parents not necessarily lead to Good children and vice versa!!

Allow me to explain…. I know a person who’s parents are the most punctual people in this world… When people invite them for a party in my home country, they actually tell them a time one hour late so that they can come in with the other guests… On the other hand their son normally reaches just about an hour before the party winds up…sometimes just five minutes before ! I know someone else too who’s father was extremely organised and neat …crazy about cleanliness and order…while this person couldn’t care less about these things….

They say kids learn by observing you, so what went wrong in the above two cases ? Am sure you know many people like that….So my theory is Be a Bad Parent if you want Good kids!!….  and this is what I do:

  1. I don’t clean up after a meal if my son hasn’t eaten… I let the food sit on the table for hours till he eats… I believe that its not necessary for him to be hungry when I am hungry..Again the cold weather helps in preserving the food …
  2. When he refuses to wear a jacket, I don’t pressurize him to wear it… It might be freezing but if he is comfortable then I don’t bother… I respect his decision even if he is just 5 years young …
  3. When he gets many gifts for his birthday I let him open all of them at once… This means that some toys he will play with only once and get bored… This also means that all the lego gifts get opened together and all their pieces get mixed so he cannot really follow the Lego booklet …But what it does lead to is a lot of imaginative play… You cannot believe how creative our kids can get … He has made more things with the lego than what came in the booklet… The puzzle pieces were used to hide cars under them instead of making the puzzle and aid a rescue plan !
  4. When he doesn’t want to brush his teeth, I don’t force him…I let him take a break for a day or two till I tell him its too long and the germs are having a feast….He then rushes to clean his teeth thoroughly..
  5. He usually doesn’t want to bathe because that interrupts in his play time..I don’t force him too much…..I let him have bath holidays which end up in a very fun bubble bath the next day !
  6. If he doesn’t want to go for a class we signed up for , I don’t force him ! The next week , he is more than keen on attending the same class…
  7. If he doesn’t eat medicine for his cough I don’t force him for that too ! I only tell him that the consequence is that he misses school as we don’t pass on the infection to other kids…sometimes he is fine with that too and I let him miss school !

The only thing I insisted upon and regret now :

I was very particular about screen time for him..So since he was born we regulated his tv very strictly…You know what is the result ?…when the TV is on , he doesn’t even blink !! He drinks up as much cartoon as he can watch in the time of 1 hour that he is allowed… He is a TV addict… You ask him what he enjoys the most and his answer is always TV , TV and more TV… I created a TV monster !! 

So, my theory is that if we are too particular about something and try to be ‘good parents’, the child gets turned off with it…for e.g. if you get after your child’s life to brush everyday, he might hate brushing… or like someone I know forced her daughter into soccer, so the child now hates soccer even though she is good at it…. It’s better to cut them some slack at times…

What do you think ?Do you agree or disagree ? Will love to know what you think…

Till then, Enjoy your child…

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7 thoughts on “Do Bad parents make Good children ?

  1. ha ha ha.. anu its not that easy to summarize what good parenting is all about and what kind of values we pass on to them. our kids are very young now, and there are lot more values they need in life than being clean, punctual and disciplined. we need caring and emotional children with good values. having said that, you are not a bad parent, you are just experimenting different styles to give some good habits and values to your kids. If this style does not work you will choose another way of getting your point across. but there are parents who are even ignorant of what they pass to their kids and how they imbibe those values in the children. weather we like it or not every parent influence their children in one way or another. end of the day we should strive to be influencing them in a positive way so they have something to feel proud about their up bringing too rather to say my mom was also clumsy and never cared about all these and why are you being fussy. (all said and done its become a trend to be casual and careless these days , in fact kids with good behavior will look vice in today’s system, that’s where the world is going)

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  2. I am not here to comment, I just want to share my experience. I believe in guidance. Gently the kid should be guided into the ways of this world. You have to be one step ahead of the kid so that they are able to respect you.

    I have 2 daughters. I had a great time in bringing them up. I danced & played with them, taught them& was strict with them. Throughout their childhood they were neighbours envy & parent’s pride.Everyone wanted their kids to be like them, warm & considerate & hard working. Both are married happily now.

    When I look back there are no regrets, only satisfaction which brings a sense of well being & peace.

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    1. I’ve to disagree with you here. I am okay with other things like not wearing a coat or missing a meal but they absolutely have to brush and bathe. And no skipping class either.

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    2. I agree with the guidance. But I hv a young one as well and am kind of strict abt TV time as well but when I am tired especially since we hv to do everything by ourself in US, I don’t care..! So it’s individual based. The only thing I can say is that each parent raises their kids they think is the best way and there’s no fool proof right s and wrongs… Unless the child is v obviously pampered!!!

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  3. Sure everyone has their own parenting style. I think we should try to be friends with our kids. If we force them to do anything they will do the opposite, so we should tell them why they should do that, and what will happen if they don’t. One of my friends tells her daughter she will get bugs in her teeth if she does not brush, and the toddler agrees to do so. Try to involve kids in your story, they sure understand.

    I’ve been lucky to have best friends for parents, was never pushed into doing anything.

    You are almost on the right track with the not being a pushy parent part, but yes do not let them have their way always. They will grow up being stubborn adults who always want things to be done their way, and will not take suggestions or feedback. I have had an intern who slept during work, performed badly and when I politely gave him suggestions to improve his work, he would get angry. His mom was my colleague too, and after his internship was over we got talking and she mentioned she lets him have his way always, as he is stubborn. But sleeping at work, performing badly and then being rude to your boss because you cannot take feedback is not a trait of a good intern! I have seen him yell at his mom too, probably if she had corrected him, he would not have become this guy he is. I’m sure being a parent is a learning experience for us too, not only the kids.

    A healthy balance of a friend and a mentor would do the trick to raise good kids. Talk to your kids, reason with them instead of yelling at them. What do you think?

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