If anyone asked me this question in 2010 , I would have taken a while to answer…. If I ask you this question now I wonder what your answer would be … Take five minutes to think about your answer and then read on…
My guess is that you will probably say either or all of the following :
- I have been married for x no of years and this was the next step to it
- I was nearing 30 and the doctor / family advised to have now than later for several biological reasons….
- To pass on the lineage of our family…
- My relationship with my husband was stagnating…A child would improve things between us…
- There is a lot of pressure on us from family to have kids
- I have one already…I had another child for my first born
- By accident !
- any other (you could put it in my comments)
In 2010 my answer would have been 2,4 and 5…. It took me 5 years and a little help from my cousin to understand that ALL these reasons are not really the right reasons to have kids….
Now, let me ask you another question … Why are you a homemaker (if you are one ) ? Again your answers could be
- My kid/kids is/are small and they need me
- I live with my in laws and they don’t appreciate me working while the kids are young
- My husband wants me to take care of the kids at home
- We don’t have good daycares in India so its better I take care of them myself
- I don’t have a work visa
- Any other (again, you can mention in the comments below)
In 2010, I would have chosen 1. But you know what , both my questions have the same following answer for me now :
We should have kids because we want to ENJOY our life with them….We want to enjoy our own childhood which we have left behind…We have become serious , mature adults who cannot laugh without a solid reason to laugh, who cannot play in a garden for the sake of playing, who do not have that innocence on our faces anymore… As a side note, isn’t it wonderful how a person’s eyes beautifully reflect their innocence or the lack of it….
So….. God gave us a passport to go back to our childhood… To have kids and revel in their innocent smile, their playful demeanor, their contagious laughter, the twinkle of their eyes when they are doing something naughty,their soft small fingers holding your fingers, their oh so soft cheeks where you can plant endless kisses and they won’t complain, their unbridled energy, their judgement free eyes, their unconditional hugs and kisses…..aah …the list is endless….
So my next question is
If you are enjoying your life and don’t feel the need for a child then why have one ? Is it fair to a child if he is brought into this world only to make the society happy ? It’s not a sacrosanct rule that everyone in this world should have children….and if it is then who made these rules…? Who made the rule that we have to marry and then only have children?? So if you don’t find the love of your life, you have no right to have a child and enjoy him/her…. If you do, you are at risk of countless questions and judging eyes ….
Do send me your comments… I will love to know what you think …
Till then, Enjoy your child 🙂
Anumeha
(This article is more in the context of my home country and is my personal opinion)
Hi, am Anumeha. 
Agree with your opinions..To add to it, I see my reflection in my child which makes me happy..
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Totally agree … Hv baby only wn u both r ready not because other ppl want u to hv one….then only u will enjoi ur baby!!!
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We had the first child as we felt the need & the second one because we ourselves are from a large family & had experienced the fun, laughter & security of siblings.
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We had a child because we were happy with our accomplishments in life, both my husband and I. We had gotten to where we wanted in our careers, had financial stability and had spent many years together traveling and enjoying each other’s company. We felt that this was a time in life when we could enjoy having a child and were emotionally ready for a child. We also felt capable in looking after the child.
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While reading your article, I felt it’s perfectly true and that is what me and my husband has decided but when I see my friends having baby now, I feel like I also want, I also want my own baby so I can play with and buy all stuff, do all pampering, do take care . but again when I enjoy my freedom, I feel kind of lucky for not having a baby. So confuse…
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You know Dhara, the fact that you are thinking about it itself is a positive sign… Having a baby changes your life completely… but it is not necessary that it curbs your freedom…. there are ways and means to have some time for yourself even after a child… many women work too… I was a working mom but two years back I decided to stop working and just revel in the beauty and love of my children…I felt that when I work I am not able to do justice to anything… its like having my feet in two boats.. But now that I am at home that also in the U.S., still I have a part time nanny so that I can get time for myself and my friends.. I try to go for a couple of classes too every week with the support of my husband…
There are women who are able to manage work and kids also beautifully… To each his own….Just remember that we mostly regret those things that we didn’t do more than the things we do… Take a decision and make it the right one 🙂
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So true!! I had my son because it seemed to be my obvious step forward in life. But what i didnt know was how much I will grow to love being his mom! My son has changed my outlook towards life..I love how I feel like a kid with him..how we have our stupid stories and nonsensical conversations! I absolutely wouldnt trade anything in the world for this!
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There is no inspiration to live life without a kid.. It feels void and no motivation – This is what I felt when reading your question. And off course agree with you that God has given us the passport to go back to our childhood 🙂 And yeah, without a child around we just don’t be happy for small reasons, we just cant laugh on small things!
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I totally agree with your views and how peer pressure is one of the very common reasons for having a baby for most of the couples. But I personally had another reason for having a child apart from the biological clock ticking away at a fast pace! I had seen a lot of couples without a child/children who were so self-involved in their lives with no consideration for others and their difficulties, situations, etc. They would make a mountain out of a mole hill because they had no other responsibility. We as a couple did not want to end up being like that. Not a lot of parents out there would agree with this reasoning of mine or would even laugh it off……But children definitely make you more patient, loving, responsible and calmer individuals. Although I’ll be sure of this logic or reasoning of mine only after I deliver which I will anytime soon coz I’m pregnant with twins at the moment…… 🙂
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I like the way you expressed your feeling …if any one asks me why u want to have a baby ? my answer is I just want to be lucky to give birth to my baby and caring about (as my mother did to me) and enjoy every moment in my life and also to enjoy every part of my life (as daughter , student , working women, wife , mother , and social life)
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I like your post. As you said, I believe in “to each his/her own” 🙂 . I love kids (and most kids love me too :)) and I enjoy spending time with my niece and nephew. However, I don’t want to have my own. There are multiple reasons but I don’t think reasons really matter. It’s really upto individuals to decide what they want in life. Everyone should be able to make their own choice without the fear of being judged. I wish our society changes to accept this view point.
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I really wanted to have a kid because I had already crossed 30 and was worried about my biological clock. Now I am so madly in love with my daughter. I am glad that I am a stay at home mom because I am there for her when she wants me. I can see her grow day by day. Love being a mom.
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i cannot have children..and cannot enjoy these moments…:(
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Sorry about that …..maybe u could work at a preschool or adopt …There is always a solution …Am sure u will find it 🙂
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I have one baby girl, she is now getting into 3 yrs . The sad feeling about how quickly my baby from little angel becoming mature girl who decides what to do and when to do (Of course very few times) leads me to have another kid :P.
Sometime i wish i could have N numbers of babies.
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me too 🙂
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Hi
I’m a homemaker by choice. Initially I used to work but I left it because I was not getting freedom…. Freedom to enjoy with my family, freedom to enjoy with my friends, freedom to enjoy my hobbies & the list continues… Still my husband & in-laws want me to work but its totally & purely my decision not to work
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Love the blog and comments.. I am a mom with twins and I love being with them and caring for them.. If you ask me why I wanted to have kid (s), I just want to enjoy my life being a kid again ..
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Your reasons are so valid.. Me and my husband: 5 years into our marriage and we were happy; not monotonous life; travelling often; taking vacations; not feeling the need to having a baby. But then we thought either we do it now (the cliche nearing 30) or we don’t. No point having them in late 40’s when the enthusiasm would not be like it is today. So, we decided to have a baby. Today our girl is 3 months old and we wonder what would we be doing if she wasn’t around. Nothing more important really. Nothing else can replicate the joy of having your baby.. Just cant have enough of her and yes you’re right, with good planning, no freedom gets restricted. It’s all worth it and so much fun.. I had also mentioned this in my blog. Have a look and see if you like it.
http://mommiesbootcamp.com
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Well written… It’s my story too… I too had a c section after long labour… It was not required so with my second one I went for normal delivery 🙂
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wow…awesome narration… I am 7 months pregnant .. ur thoughts makes me imagine my future experience with my baby :):)
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